DOOMED.

The Internet hath few villains quite like the Westboro Baptist Church, that notorious peddler of hate/fringe religious sect/gaggle of batshit humans who interpret just about every event as evidence of God's wrath. But lately the WBC has taken to tech commentary, and it's genuinely ... pretty funny.

For instance: They hate Facebook. They hate Instagram. They really, really hate Steve Jobs. But they mysteriously and ardently love Google, which is "so exciting!" and so helpful in "further[ing] WBC's preachments!" (It was certainly helpful in my quest to determine whether "preachment" was a word.) Onward!

1. At the ground zero of Youtube celebrity. Teenage girls shriek at teenage boys. Thousands of fans queue for signatures. Security guards complain they see "these damn tweens" in their dreams. This is VidCon, the convention for Youtube stars ... and it is pretty crazy.

2. Cool it, Veruca Salt. The latest trend in Silicon Valley is instant gratification -- you know, apps that get you what you want, the very second you want it. This is great for lazy people like me who do not want to wait for a taxi or walk to the Chinese take-out place. But it's unclear if this business model, or this mindset, works in the long-term.

3. Is it cool to charge your phone at a bar? No. Yes. Maybe. Well -- as long as you tip.

Damn gurl, if I can twerk like that when I'm 70...

Pocketable: There are way too many music festivals. And that's about to change. (4349 words/17 minutes)

Postscripts: Touchscreen tortoises. Push for Pizza. #WarOnWhites. Fitbit for the soul. 15 women who made the Internet and 18 books blurbed in emoji. Is 29 the perfect age? Is Gaza the perfect Facebook fight? Eh fuck the Internet, honestly. "Unfriend like the icy wind." We're DOOMED.

Until tomorrow!
@caitlindewey

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