"Hustle"

Forget your FOMO, forget your unplugging, forget all your Internet-y concerns: A new study from Israeli researchers says the Internet actually makes us happier. This makes no sense, since the Internet's unequivocally hellish. So either I've misjudged it, or we're all masochists.

1. Ashley Madison basically catfished its own users. And this is common industry practice (!), according to insiders. The site created fake female profiles in order to make it look like more women were on it. Which is awkward, now that its records are out in the open...

2. Meet the companies that help governments spy on you. Only a dozen companies do this work, worldwide, and they tend to do it in utmost secret. But since the hack of a surveillance company called the Hacking Team, we know a whole lot more about what these firms are doing in countries from Uganda to Israel to Finland.

3. I can't adequately describe how insane and disturbing this account of the Slender Man stabbing is, so I'm just going to quote from it: "Anissa heard Morgan say, 'Don’t be afraid, I’m only a little kitty cat.' Then Morgan pushed Bella over and stabbed her 19 times, in her arms and legs but also puncturing her stomach, her liver, and her pancreas and barely missing a major artery near her heart. “Stabby stab stab stab” is how Morgan recalled it." (... like, were these girls possessed?!)

It's Windows 95's 25th birthday, and WHAT better way to celebrate?!
(David did you know you share a birthday with Windows 95 too??)

Pocketable: I am in nooo way endorsing Gamergate's Breitbart-sponsored rebrand, but you might as well know they're calling themselves "cultural libertarians." (3641 words/15 minutes)

Postscripts: Autotuned cows. Tindered wombats. Falling asleep? Try playing with a cat! The three zipcodes that are AM-free and the 26 apps everybody needs. How "hustle" went from hip-hop to Etsy embroidery. How your laundromat's been pummeled by Silicon Valley. Why Wingdings exist and why your doctor won't friend you. (I meannnn, but why would you want her to?) Is your start-up idea taken? Was this movie optioned? Has an Internet joke ever NOT gone too far? Idk the answers to these questions, really ... but I'll agree the Politwoops shutdown is bizarre!

Until tomorrow,
@caitlindewey

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