It's not me -- it's you.

Have you guys heard the one about the 113-year-old woman who lied about her age to get a Facebook account? I am not entirely sure why anyone would want to inflict an otherwise long/fulfilling life with the plague that is social media -- doesn't she know FB has all her personal data now?! -- but power to Anna Stoehr, in either case. My grandmother doesn't even know what Facebook is. Anyway, on to the links:

1. A love letter to books, New York and the Internet, by an expert in all three. Maris Kreizman is a former book editor and the genius behind the Tumblr Slaughterhouse 90210. If you are not already acquainted with what may be the best lowbrow/highbrow blog concept of recent history, you will soon want to be.

2. The man who holds disease domains hostage. Jon Schultz has H1N1.com. He had birdflu.com. He's held onto Ebola.com for six long, dry years. Now that Ebola's in the news, of course, he wants six figures for it. Behold, the inscrutable "merchant of disease."

3. In defense of voicemails. "Right after my dad died, my phone started ringing and it didn't stop for about a month. I could text but I couldn't really talk on the phone. You can only say thank you so many times before you start to feel insincere. But people wanted to talk to me. And people left me voicemails."

Having seen Blackfish, I am puzzled by this GIF.

Pocketable: This makes two New Yorker pocketables in a row, which YES, is too cliche. But if I don't share this truly riotous, wonderful essay on "emotional support animals" -- real things that exist! -- I will fail you, as an Internet human. Also this will help explain to my coworkers why I'm going to start bringing Dory to work. (5466 words/22 minutes)

Postscripts: ​Internet friends in real life. Sign language translation in real time. A pop song penned by auto-complete and Tinder messages swiped from historical figures. Parrot speaks Spanish / nerds speak Dothraki / writer speaks to people he may know. No, Snapchat: It's not me -- it's you. Isn't it always, though...?

Until tomorrow!
@caitlindewey

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