Just Google it, okay?

Goddamn #teens, amirite?! Every time I descend into their high-octane, angst-ridden universe I come out feeling illogically old and sort of guilty, like I just saw something I shouldn't have. Today in teens, the kids are all apparently being dumb on this app called Yik Yak and handing out nudes to Internet creeps on another app called Whisper. In my day, we only have LiveJournal and Myspace. And you know what, we turned out just fine. Anyway, the links!

1. Twitter is broken. The sheer frequency with which terrible shit goes down on Twitter -- gross flame wars, endless trolling, death threats, subtweets, negativity, general abuse -- would seem to suggest it's less the problem of individual users, and more a systematic issue with Twitter as it stands. "No matter whom you unfollow, mute, or block, someone you do follow will sooner or later draw your attention to an outrage and encourage you to join the condemnation. On Twitter, negativity is viral."

2. Love in the time of Instagram. There's no longer such a thing as "drifting apart." Even if you stop talking to old friends/lovers/relatives/what have you, their lives still unfold on social media -- an odd, bittersweet glimpse into a life you never got.

3. "I'm alone, but not lonely." The proceeding sentence was tweeted on behalf of a robot (which does not have feelings) many light years from Earth (where there's no Internet!). When you think about it, the fact that it's someone's actual career to anthropomorphize a spacecraft on Twitter is very, very weird.

"What if it has a roo in its pocket? Or a new iPhone?"

Pocketable: Everything you need to know about Google, part one of three. (2397 words/10 minutes)

Postscripts: Downtonisms. Sushi cats. Everywhere, everyday. This is why your Wifi's slow and this is why Americans pray. The science of: (1) self-talk, (2) toothpaste, (3) pizza and (4) caffeine. You are what you like. (That makes me a cronut.) There ARE such a thing as stupid questions -- so just Google it, okay?

Until tomorrow!
@caitlindewey

Do you like this newsletter? Please send it to a friend! If you don't like this newsletter, please send it to an enemy.