Nobody panic!!

None of us really care about ~shares~ and ~boards~ so let's just break this down: King Zuck is about to have EVEN MORE POWER than he already has now. Whether this alarms, pleases or bores you probably depends on your opinion of the world's foremost nerd; a piece of advice -- now is no time to rewatch "The Social Network."

1. The hot new trend, in several games, is making avatars to look like your ex. They function as both objects of abuse and weird receptacles for affection. One academic see it kinda like grieving -- a way for the brokenhearted to cope. But "slashing" the face of a woman who looks like your ex? Uhhhhh gonna go with NOPE.

2. What people get wrong about the News Feed algorithm. Including people like me! Just using the word "algorithm" makes Facebook sound godlike, when it's really just bumbling along like any other company. (... except for King Zuck, he is not bumbling.)

3. Forget "om," that's so last century. The latest mantras for gurus go something like this: "be connected, be discovered," and "RTs are not endorsements."

this gif brought to you ALL THE WAY from atlanta by @brynadunham
(link)

Pocketable: If you're reading this in a Yahoo inbox, you miiiiight wanna jump ship soon. (3898 words/16 minutes)

Postscripts: Roast me; host me; but please never ghost me. The rich parents of Instagram and the merits of reading closely. Happy birthday, iTunes and Google Translate. Nobody panic!! You CAN hug your pet. This is a bit out of left field, but the last good social network is ... Weight Watchers Connect. The science of dating profiles. The struggle of friend-making ones. Wanna break your tech addiction? Just go out and feel the sun!!

Until tomorrow,
@caitlindewey

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