STEP IT UP, slacker.

Congratulations, Internet! As of this week, you logged your -- drum roll, plzzz -- one-billionth website! Granted, roughly half a billion probably belong to domain-squatters or something, and an additional 400 million or so contain stuff you'd rather not see. But that remaining window of Internet goodness? The websites that brought us glitch photos, and ramen hacks, and pugs dressed like pumpkin spice lattes? You are great. I salute you. Onward!

1. The online legacy of a suicide cult ... and the webmasters it left behind. I cannot say enough good things about this gem from Gizmodo, which really does have it all. Charismatic cults! Aliens! Early '90s web design! (The only thing it's missing is an explanation of why reporter Ashley Feinberg was on HeavensGate.com to begin with.)

2. Fitbit is the new rat race. Do you wake up early? Work long hours? Squeeze in a quick workout when you leave the office? Well STEP IT UP, slacker, because all those usual hallmarks of Type-A victory are no longer enough. Now you have to walk 10,000 steps, too.

3. Goodbye to all that. Erin Kissane has been on Twitter since its earliest days, but even she's interested in leaving the "whole slimy pond of troubles" for good.

Some days you're the cat, some days you're the owl.

Pocketable: A (literal) horror story about selfies. (2771 words/11 minutes)

Postscripts: Read slower. Run faster. Re-organize your day. Erotic poetry from iPhone 6 reviews and humor from trend-piece cliches. How food influences dreams. How Twitter sleuths solve crime. Today, in newly trendy: museum bots, hazelnuts, cocktails -- and this awful parody video, which is very full of fail.

Until tomorrow!
@caitlindewey

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