What would Putin's drag name be?

Did you know that 13 percent of Americans still do not use the Internet? Who are these sheltered souls, you ask? Well, for starters, they’re people like my grandmother, who needs a reorientation to the concept of “blogs” every time we discuss my job. (“You know how the newspaper has sections based around certain topics? It’s like that, except on the computer … yes, anyone can read it.”) ANYWAY, my pal Mark Berman has the scoop on the other 40 million. Moving on:
1. Apps are turning us into sociopaths, per a hyperbolic Wired headline! I think someone at Wired needs to Google-define “sociopath” before throwing that word around, but nonetheless -- this essay raises some very smart, thoughtful questions on the implications of automating the things that make us human.
2. I Googled the Duke porn girl. Not because I wanted to see her oeuvre -- which trust me, is very much out there -- but because I wanted to know who doxed her and why.
3. IRL, text messages are things you get from your mom that you probably ignore. But on TV, they’re always harbingers of doom! And drama! And critical plot points! I wish my text messages looked like that.

Real talk, what would Putin’s drag name be? Please tweet nominations to @caitlindewey.
Postscripts: The Internet has no idea how to be happy. Most contestants have no idea how to play Jeopardy. Against: the mani cam, social media, St. Vincent’s “Digital Witness.” Always buy the bigger pizza. (Hey, my life motto!) “Dunkin Love.” Hipster logos. Uber cab confessions. Why do teenagers tweet at Justin Bieber? Why, the same reason rats want treats!
Until tomorrow, @caitlindewey
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