There is nothing like a collection of articles about dating apps to make me appreciate the joy in meeting my wife the old fashioned way, a blind date set up by a mutual friend in college.
Thank you SO MUCH for this! I started writing a piece about how I met my husband on OkCupid and meant to do some research for it. With these interesting sources pulled together, it will be so much easier. I’ll be sure to give you credit!
I met my now spouse on OKC in 2017, actually today (6/14) is the anniversary of our first date. I firmly believe the enshittification theory where the problem is the apps worked fine but their basic usability is at odds with profits.
Comparing my experience to my now single friends is wild, like in order to get really basic functionality costs SO MUCH.
All that being said, I have met and dated both from IRL and apps and as a queer person I actually prefer apps because it's easier to make sure that you are on the same page right off the bat, whereas my IRL meets were much more likely to go longer without like kinda basic dealbreakers coming up. (I wanted to get married but I don't want kids and I would always lead with that early on)
That being said, re dating apps, have you followed the rise and fall of Lex at all?
It started as an Instagram as herstory personals, the idea was to revive like dating classifieds (there are some real classic ones in older queer publications) so just quick text blurb for basically everyone but cis het dudes. It continued with some mild drama but then after maybe a year or so they launched lex the app. Now Lex Posts have frequently been horny but there has been over time a shift a way from dating content or if there was it was kinda wholesome which isn't bad but it was a noticed shift and a lot more community events or even like straight up like facebook marketplace type posting. And Lex definitely embraced that in their marketing. To my knowledge it's still around but it's definitely gone downhill.
I need to dig up there was some good writing about it maybe a year or so ago. I'll come back if I manage to find anything
As with almost everything I’ve ever heard about online dating, I just laugh and thank my lucky stars I’m too old for that shit. I met my wife on “new music night” at a bar in East Lansing, Michigan. As my my roommate and I got to the bottom of the stairs and looked out onto the dance floor I saw this girl dancing with two other girls and I poked Dan and said to him, “Dan, she’s the one.” Dan scoffed and said, “You can do better than that.” He was so wrong.
Fascinating and comprehensive read for a deaccelerationist that never used dating apps in principle. As you suggest, the ultimate question is: are these apps meant to be "transactional" (think: Amazon, "...you may also like...") or whether they are a phenomenon of "attention economics" (think: TikTok) where the principal objective is to keep you on the app and hoover up your data. These days I'm framing nearly all my thinking in terms of attention economics (this is easier to do if you are closer to the end of your life than the beginning) and find even Substack a curious parasocial networked outcropping for the "creative sovereign" in 21st century capitalism.
Yes, Substack is clearly taking on aspects of a nascent social network. You can see that with all my poet and literary fiction friends who've migrated away from Twitter/X and Instagram, as well as here locally in all our former Buffalo News cohort cross-pollinating now at this new networked Substack hub called Buffalo Hive.
But as I have been saying to many friends lately, Substack does have an "ideology" attached to it—that of the "creative sovereign," which is a euphemism/neologism for an indie writer/artist. That ideology has more cache than that of the lowly "freelancer," who has to pitch their stories before writing them. Substack's ideology is one of self-empowerment, but isn't that also the ideology of IG?
But Substack is also quickly becoming an alternative to legacy literary journalism. Not everything I find here is of the same quality (there are no editors!), but the best of what I read here (your work, for instance) is the equal of what Kyle Chayka is doing in reporting on online culture in The New Yorker.
Mr. Lisa and I met on IRC in 1997 (think antique Slack/Discord) and shacked up together in 1998. We split and got back together in 2008 when he found my LiveJournal (christ, I am dating myself). Any who, when we first got together, we were cagey on telling people how we met. Now, it's nothing. People just oohh and aww knowing we're young olds.
There is nothing like a collection of articles about dating apps to make me appreciate the joy in meeting my wife the old fashioned way, a blind date set up by a mutual friend in college.
THE DREAM
you are quickly becoming one of my favorite reads
likewise!!! thank you
Thank you SO MUCH for this! I started writing a piece about how I met my husband on OkCupid and meant to do some research for it. With these interesting sources pulled together, it will be so much easier. I’ll be sure to give you credit!
I would love to read that when you publish it!
I met my now spouse on OKC in 2017, actually today (6/14) is the anniversary of our first date. I firmly believe the enshittification theory where the problem is the apps worked fine but their basic usability is at odds with profits.
Comparing my experience to my now single friends is wild, like in order to get really basic functionality costs SO MUCH.
All that being said, I have met and dated both from IRL and apps and as a queer person I actually prefer apps because it's easier to make sure that you are on the same page right off the bat, whereas my IRL meets were much more likely to go longer without like kinda basic dealbreakers coming up. (I wanted to get married but I don't want kids and I would always lead with that early on)
That being said, re dating apps, have you followed the rise and fall of Lex at all?
love an OKC marriage. congrats on seven years!! I am not familiar with lex, aside from just having googled it lol. what's the story there?
It started as an Instagram as herstory personals, the idea was to revive like dating classifieds (there are some real classic ones in older queer publications) so just quick text blurb for basically everyone but cis het dudes. It continued with some mild drama but then after maybe a year or so they launched lex the app. Now Lex Posts have frequently been horny but there has been over time a shift a way from dating content or if there was it was kinda wholesome which isn't bad but it was a noticed shift and a lot more community events or even like straight up like facebook marketplace type posting. And Lex definitely embraced that in their marketing. To my knowledge it's still around but it's definitely gone downhill.
I need to dig up there was some good writing about it maybe a year or so ago. I'll come back if I manage to find anything
As with almost everything I’ve ever heard about online dating, I just laugh and thank my lucky stars I’m too old for that shit. I met my wife on “new music night” at a bar in East Lansing, Michigan. As my my roommate and I got to the bottom of the stairs and looked out onto the dance floor I saw this girl dancing with two other girls and I poked Dan and said to him, “Dan, she’s the one.” Dan scoffed and said, “You can do better than that.” He was so wrong.
take that, Dan!!
Great collection. Also, that's a really smart use of Raindrop.io!
I'll Venmo you $10 for the story LOL!
this made me literally lol so thank you for that 😂
Fascinating and comprehensive read for a deaccelerationist that never used dating apps in principle. As you suggest, the ultimate question is: are these apps meant to be "transactional" (think: Amazon, "...you may also like...") or whether they are a phenomenon of "attention economics" (think: TikTok) where the principal objective is to keep you on the app and hoover up your data. These days I'm framing nearly all my thinking in terms of attention economics (this is easier to do if you are closer to the end of your life than the beginning) and find even Substack a curious parasocial networked outcropping for the "creative sovereign" in 21st century capitalism.
Ooh, say more. That's interesting. So you see Substack's parasociality as an engagement ploy? (Not wrong!)
Yes, Substack is clearly taking on aspects of a nascent social network. You can see that with all my poet and literary fiction friends who've migrated away from Twitter/X and Instagram, as well as here locally in all our former Buffalo News cohort cross-pollinating now at this new networked Substack hub called Buffalo Hive.
But as I have been saying to many friends lately, Substack does have an "ideology" attached to it—that of the "creative sovereign," which is a euphemism/neologism for an indie writer/artist. That ideology has more cache than that of the lowly "freelancer," who has to pitch their stories before writing them. Substack's ideology is one of self-empowerment, but isn't that also the ideology of IG?
But Substack is also quickly becoming an alternative to legacy literary journalism. Not everything I find here is of the same quality (there are no editors!), but the best of what I read here (your work, for instance) is the equal of what Kyle Chayka is doing in reporting on online culture in The New Yorker.
Mr. Lisa and I met on IRC in 1997 (think antique Slack/Discord) and shacked up together in 1998. We split and got back together in 2008 when he found my LiveJournal (christ, I am dating myself). Any who, when we first got together, we were cagey on telling people how we met. Now, it's nothing. People just oohh and aww knowing we're young olds.
LiveJournal!!!!!!! I love that