For what it's worth, you are not alone. This is something I've come to realize the hard way over the past year, and what you've shared is strikingly similar to my experience (especially wrt diplomatically navigating the balance between clear business etiquette and such a vulnerable/painful subject).
For what it's worth, you are not alone. This is something I've come to realize the hard way over the past year, and what you've shared is strikingly similar to my experience (especially wrt diplomatically navigating the balance between clear business etiquette and such a vulnerable/painful subject).
My last miscarriage hit at the start of a major work conference, and aside from snippets of heartfelt conversations with a few very choice co-workers as part of my apologies for "lack of energy", my oral presentations and observation of social niceties were book-ended by blinding back pain and strategically short walks from hotels to conference rooms and back again. Never has an environment seemed so physically hostile. The few people I confided in during the week-long conference were horrified, encouraging, or cautiously supportive. Some even shared their own knowledge of past colleagues who have struggled through similar tragedies.
I'm afraid of generalizing, so I'll note that I only share the following based on my own experiences: It appears to be the quiet resolve of many afab workers to stomach what feels like an inhuman level of pain if only to preemptively negate any potential manifestation or concept of doubt regarding our strength or presence in our chosen fields of work.
This fear is what I think keeps many from sharing unexpectedly common life struggles such as these. I had previously never recognized that fear so clearly as during my own miscarriages, and I wish I knew how best to keep others from needlessly experiencing that same fear - but that is beyond me and my present knowledge to mitigate.
Hopefully this comment can bring some sense of comfort in its own way. But I'll also share the quote from the video game Undertale that helped me put one foot in front of the other during that conference and in the period of mourning that followed:
"The will to keep living... The resolve to change fate. Let's call this power... 'Determination.'"
What a nightmare -- I'm so sorry you went through this. And grateful to you for sharing. This sentence got me, in particular: "It appears to be the quiet resolve of many afab workers to stomach what feels like an inhuman level of pain if only to preemptively negate any potential manifestation or concept of doubt regarding our strength or presence in our chosen fields of work." SO TRUE. And ultimately, so isolating and terrible. Thanks for writing. <3
For what it's worth, you are not alone. This is something I've come to realize the hard way over the past year, and what you've shared is strikingly similar to my experience (especially wrt diplomatically navigating the balance between clear business etiquette and such a vulnerable/painful subject).
My last miscarriage hit at the start of a major work conference, and aside from snippets of heartfelt conversations with a few very choice co-workers as part of my apologies for "lack of energy", my oral presentations and observation of social niceties were book-ended by blinding back pain and strategically short walks from hotels to conference rooms and back again. Never has an environment seemed so physically hostile. The few people I confided in during the week-long conference were horrified, encouraging, or cautiously supportive. Some even shared their own knowledge of past colleagues who have struggled through similar tragedies.
I'm afraid of generalizing, so I'll note that I only share the following based on my own experiences: It appears to be the quiet resolve of many afab workers to stomach what feels like an inhuman level of pain if only to preemptively negate any potential manifestation or concept of doubt regarding our strength or presence in our chosen fields of work.
This fear is what I think keeps many from sharing unexpectedly common life struggles such as these. I had previously never recognized that fear so clearly as during my own miscarriages, and I wish I knew how best to keep others from needlessly experiencing that same fear - but that is beyond me and my present knowledge to mitigate.
Hopefully this comment can bring some sense of comfort in its own way. But I'll also share the quote from the video game Undertale that helped me put one foot in front of the other during that conference and in the period of mourning that followed:
"The will to keep living... The resolve to change fate. Let's call this power... 'Determination.'"
<3
What a nightmare -- I'm so sorry you went through this. And grateful to you for sharing. This sentence got me, in particular: "It appears to be the quiet resolve of many afab workers to stomach what feels like an inhuman level of pain if only to preemptively negate any potential manifestation or concept of doubt regarding our strength or presence in our chosen fields of work." SO TRUE. And ultimately, so isolating and terrible. Thanks for writing. <3